The First Christmas
by SilverPen001
Summary: "I just wanted him to know that he still has a little brother who loves him and thinks the world of him." Jared struggles and angsts over his present for Jensen and their relationship as they face their first Christmas without Supernatural. Set Post-Series. J2!fic.


**Hey! This is a little one-shot that's been bouncing around in my head for a while. I meant to have it up before Christmas, but it just wasn't ready and perfect until now. A few disclaimers:**

 **1) I DON'T OWN SUPERNATURAL! I'm sorry!**

 **2) This is unbeta'd, so bear with, if possible. Feed back is nice, so R &R when it's over.**

 **3) In case you didn't catch it before, this is a J2 fic! Sorry if you were lead to believe otherwise. I personally love them and I wish there were more! Although it was interesting to see how Sam and Dean came out in Jared and Jensen as I was trying to write them as people, not characters. Not sure if that's me or them... Ah, well! ENJOY!**

* * *

Fondling Jensen's present before setting in its wrapping, Jared thought back on what lead to his decision.

Whenever they were asked by fans what they wanted from the show when it ended, Jensen was always prompt with an answer- he wanted the Impala. Dean's baby; HIS baby. Jared would laugh and crack a joke about how Jensen's obsession with the car rivaled Dean's. But when he was asked that same question, Jared responded with an honest, "I have no idea. Nothing specific. I already got what I wanted from Supernatural- a beautiful wife, new friends, and a good time with a great brother."

And he was always being honest. At least, until a certain scene involving the brothers was filmed in season 5.

* * *

 _Jared liked to think that he and Sam Winchester are well-acquainted. He knows how to pull a bitchface when Dean is funny but annoying, when to whine and how to tease Dean just the way Sam would. He can differentiate between Sam, Sammy, and Sam Winchester as easily as breathing most days. And because of this closeness with his character, Jared was a damn good Sam Winchester._

* * *

Of course, he was also blessed with a damn good Dean to match. Perhaps that was part of the reason that the two of them got along so well. They were both great actors, playing their parts so well that they couldn't help but to carry it over into their real lives. For over a decade, his friendship- no, his BROTHERHOOD- with Jensen has been one of his most treasured possessions. And that was the reason he stood here now, in front of Jensen's home, fingers tightening nervously around the wrapped box in his hands.

* * *

 _Of course, such a close association with a character can have its downfalls, one being a deep emotional connection with him. Especially when two characters and co-workers are as close as Sam and Dean and Jared and Jensen. The two stars have actually had more than a few conversations about this development, especially after shooting difficult scenes for one or both of the brothers. This connection between actor and character only became stronger and stronger as the show continued. Now it seemed that the longer he was Sam, the less he was Jared. When they were filming, there was no Jared Padalecki; there was only Sam Winchester and Sam Winchester's emotions._

 _Already a person who wore his emotions close to the surface, Jared felt each of Sam's emotions strongly. But he could usually shed those feelings when they called it a day and Jensen took him out for a quick drink before going their separate ways- Jared home to Gen and Jensen either to his own home or out with Danneel. But that scene, that day, was different._

 _They were looking at the end of Supernatural. Staring it right in the face. It was a miracle that they were going to finish season 5 at all. Jared was starting to feel the same stirrings of panic reminiscent of the season when Dean's deal was coming due. For 5 years, his whole life had been centered around Supernatural. He has no idea what to do if Supernatural is cancelled. He was facing the end of his career, his life!_

 _Logically, Jared knew he was being unreasonable. The end of the show was not the end of the world. But it felt like it sometimes, and Jared harbored secret fears of what life would hold for him and his new wife after Supernatural ended. But Jared often put to rest those fears by throwing himself into Supernatural more and hanging out with Jensen, living in the moment when all is good in the world._

 _And so Jared ignored his doubts and fears to focus on Sam's._

 _Sitting on a bed in the motel he and Dean were currently staying to hide from Zach and his posse, he listened to his wonderful, brave, empathetic older brother comfort Cas from the blow his faith had taken. Depressed and subdued from "Heaven" and the stress it put on his already delicate relationship with Dean, he was quiet as Cas handed the amulet back to Dean with a murmured, "It's worthless" and flew off. After a second of silence, he spoke, turning to his big brother for direction, like he had so many times before, but he received a gruff, noncommittal answer from the man he had always strived to make proud but let down so often. With large, uncomprehending eyes, he watched as Dean- his savior, his hero, his best friend- dropped the one thing he thought was more precious than life right into the trash can._

 _He watched in disbelieving horror, eyes flicking between the door and the can, as Dean left the room- and his little brother- behind. Running through his head in a loop was a single thought,_ ** _How could he do this to me? How could Jensen do that to me?_**

 _Jared never imagined that Sam's biggest fear was his, too._

* * *

The Padaleckis were welcomed into the Ackles' home with open arms and gracious smiles. Gen was immediately caught up in conversation with Danneel and the boys were dragged off to play with their 'cousin'. As Jared set presents down by the large evergreen tree in Jensen's massive living room, Jensen came and helped him before wrapping him in one of the bear hugs Sam treasured and Jared has come to crave just as much. Clinging to the man he adored as if he were his literal older kin, Jared fretted over how the older man would receive his gift.

Jensen, of course, picked up on his inner turmoil. "Jared, man, are you okay?"

Shooting him a smile, Jared answered easily. "Yeah, I've just been a little stressed out. I'll be really glad when Christmas presents are opened."

Still looking a little suspicious, Jensen mercifully let it slide with a loud laugh. "I know, right? Danneel and I have been so busy looking for just the right gifts..." Jared listened to Jensen rant about some fit J. J. had thrown about getting the exact toy advertised. He was filled with gratitude that they were still on speaking terms even though the show had ended a mere seven months ago. He remembered a time when he feared the opposite occurring.

* * *

 _Jared and Jensen cleared out their trailers slowly but steadily, often pausing to reminisce and laugh over various acquired memorabilia. When the trailers where finally empty and their various keepsakes loaded into their trucks, Jared turned to Jensen with a beaming smile. "Drinks before splitting? For old time's sake?" Jensen smiled. "Man, I wish I could, but I've gotta get home, Jared, sorry."_

 _Jared watched in surprise as Jensen offered an apologetic smile and climbed into his truck. Quickly recovering, Jared came to his former co-star's window. "Oh- oh, okay, yeah, sure. Then... um... so- so what about in a couple of weeks when we're back in Texas? Get together then?" He tried not to look to hopeful._

 _Jensen pursed his lips. "I'm sorry, man, but Danneel and I have plans to be in LA for a while."_

 _At that point, Jared decided /Screw pride/ and whipped out the big guns- the Sammy Winchester patented puppy eyes. "So when are you free?"_

 _Jensen avoided his gaze and started the car. "I don't know, Jared." He put the truck in drive and looked finally made full eye contact with Jared. "I'll text you, okay?" Dumbfounded at Jensen's sudden immunity to the puppy dog eyes, Jared could only stare at the man who was suddenly rejecting him. Jensen looked at him pityingly one last time. "See you around, Jared."_

 _Jared could only nod, dumbfounded, and step away from Jensen's truck in shock. With stunned eyes, Jared watched his best friend of five years drive away without looking back. Two weeks later, he read in the tabloids that Jensen and Danneel were engaged. When he called to congratulate the couple, the conversation was short and stilted. He wasn't even invited to the wedding. Finally, after many failed attempts to reach out to Jensen, Jared gave up and deleted his number. He cried all night in Gen's arms about his lost friend who clearly didn't miss HIM. From that moment on, these two men who had been as close as brothers never spoke again._

 _Jared was never the same._

 ** _SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN_**

 _Jared woke with a choked gasp. Gen stirred beside him. "Babe? What's wrong?"_

 _He sucked in a shuddered breath. "N-nothing. Nothing, Gen. Sorry to wake you up. Go back to sleep."_

 _His wife looked at him with sleep-dulled eyes, clearly not convinced, but trusting him anyway. He laid back down beside her and they rested in silence for a minute. Then suddenly there came a soft "Gen?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Jensen-" Jared coughed awkwardly. "Jensen likes me, right?"_

 _Gen looked at her husband in confusion. "What?"_

 _Jared flushed but repeated his question. "I mean- he likes hanging out with me, right? And he likes me as a person?"_

 _Gen gave a small laugh. "Yes, of course Jensen likes you, Jared, don't be an idiot! Where on earth is this coming from?"_

 _Jared swallowed thickly. "And we would be friends even if we didn't have Supernatural to tie us together right?"_

 _Gen sobered quickly, looking at her husband seriously. He looked so pitifully, gazing at her pleadingly with large, doe brown eyes- asking her to tell him the truth but not break his heart. And she was sure in that moment that if the truth was that Jensen only liked him and stuck around only because of Supernatural, Jared would be destroyed by grief that the man he looked up to and admired so much could barely stand him. Good thing that wasn't the truth._ ** _At least it BETTER not be_** _, she thought harshly as her heart melted in response to the puppy dog eyes. Gen sighed and placed her hands on Jared cheeks. "Baby, look at me." His damp eyes met hers. "I'll be straight with you, Jared, I have no idea where this is coming from, but believe me when I say that Jensen likes you a lot. Hell, like is probably too mild a word for how much he adores you." Gen let out another laugh. "You know, when we were dating, hell, even before we were official- like we'd gone out only a couple of times for a beer- in between takes when you were busy, Jensen used to tell me stories about how great you were and the things you did together. He would talk for 10 minutes about something funny you had said to him that morning or some prank you'd pulled on him at your house. And then, did you know this? Shortly before you proposed to me, we were all out to dinner together and you went off to grab something from the car, and as soon as you were out of earshot, Jensen turned to me and said, 'He loves you a lot, you know.' 'I know,' I said. 'I love him, too.' He looked at me for a long time without saying a word, just watching me. And then when you were walking back to us, Jensen just said, 'Good. Because I really like you, and I'd hate to have to hurt you if you ever break his heart.'"_

 _Jared looked at her hopefully, eyes still watery. Gen wiped away a few stray tears. "So, baby, don't be getting all scared that just because Supernatural may be ending, Jensen's just gonna up and leave you, okay?"_

 _Jared chuckled wetly, and nodded. Kissing her appreciatively, Jared mumbled, "Um- can we keep this one between us? Jensen never has to know?"_

 _Snuggling into her husband's chest, Gen agreed._

 _Two days later they filmed the scene where Dean dropped the amulet in the trash. As he watched Dean shut the door on Sam, all Jared could see was Jensen driving away, never seeing him again._

 _As soon as the director called out "CUT!" Jared was digging through the trash, yanking out the amulet and clutching it to his chest, eyes closed in relief. He had saved it. When he opened his eyes, Jared found that everyone was looking at him strange. Jensen and Misha had both come back on set and were looking at him with concern._

 _Jensen voiced the thought. "Hey, Jared, man- you okay?"_

 _Flushing slightly from embarrassment and SO not wanting Jensen to know that 'yeah, I'm fine, I just freaked out for a moment because I thought that Dean throwing away the amulet meant that you were tossing me to the curb too', Jared coughed and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry. I got a little caught up in the moment. Sam was freaking out."_

 _Immediately, Jensen's face smoothed out with understanding. They'd both been there. "I feel you, man. Dean was dying back there." He clapped his hands and turned to Misha. "Well, that's a wrap. Misha- wanna come with Jared and I, grab a beer and some grub?" Jared didn't even hear Misha's answer. He was still glowing inside from the warmth of Jensen just assuming Jared would go where he was going. In that way they really were like Sam and Dean, he supposed. Sam would follow Dean anywhere and Jared would go with Jensen to hell and back if that's what it took to stay his friend._

 _But as he stood to walk out with Jensen and Misha, one of the prop girls, Emily, stopped him. "Jared, can I have that prop back please?"_

 _Jared looked at her in confusion. She smiled and looked down at his hand, holding out her own. Jared followed her gaze and saw the amulet still clutched in his hand. Inexplicably reluctant to part with it, Jared finally forced his grip to relax and let the fake metal fall into Emily's open palm. "Thanks!"_

 _And as she walked away calling to another worker, Jared suddenly knew what he wanted to take from Supernatural._

 _Now he just had to convince them to let him take it._

* * *

The two families sat down together to eat the turkey Jensen made in his new smoker. As they said Grace and began to eat, Jensen raved to Jared about his new car, gifted to him in prime condition by the owners of Supernatural- the 1967 Chevy Impala affectionately called Baby.

Jared smiled at his best friend and winked at Danneel. "I didn't see it in the front. Did you park it in the back driveway?"

Jensen choked on his drink, giving Jared a horrified, scandalized look. "In this weather? Are you crazy?! I know it's not as cold as Canada, but it can get cold here over night and it gets foggy some mornings!" With a glare, he added, "So no, my baby is NOT parked in the back. She's in the garage, covered in an insulated blanket, just the way a priceless possession like her should be!" As Jensen viciously attacked his turkey again, Danneel and Jared snickered into their own drinks.

After their luncheon, they cleared the table and let the kids run around some more before the Padaleckis gathered up their boys to go home and sleep off the food. Gen and Danneel began herding the boys out the door with presents to be unwrapped Christmas morning. As she left the kitchen with Thomas on her hip, Gen gave her husband a significant look, glancing from him to Jensen. Jared nodded, remembering her words from earlier, even as his stomach began twisting itself in knots.

* * *

 _It was starry night, and Jared found himself at his bedroom window looking up at the constellations. Whenever they filmed in the country at night, Jared had enjoyed looking up at the sky with his friend. It was another way they were similar to the Winchesters, he supposed. Eric had told them that the brothers would watch the stars from time to time. Jared and Jensen had shared a look and a smile; they already did that with each other from time to time, although neither said a word. But after that revelation, they made it a point to look up at the stars together whenever possible._

 _Amazingly, Jensen was the quicker study in astronomy. He was familiar with many constellations, and quick to spot new ones. It took Jared a little longer to see them, but Jensen was patient in his teaching. As soon as Jared could see the shapes, he would look up the name and story and relay it to his friend. Many of the stories he already knew from a brief dabble in mythology after an episode about pagan gods. They had a good laugh together over some stories, and those nights are treasured memories in his mind._

 _He was seeking out Orion, the Hunter, when Gen found him in their room after tucking in the boys. She came up behind him and stood there silently, watching him watch the stars. Something glinted in his hands, catching her eye. Curious, she asked softly, "What's that?" Jared fixed his eyes on Orion in victory and smiled. He lifted his hand to allow the object within to dangle and catch the soft moonlight. Gen studied the dangling piece for a moment. "Isn't that the Samulet?" Jared laughed softly at the nickname the Supernatural fanbase had given the ugly charm._

 _"_ _Yes," he replied, rubbing it between his fingers._

 _"_ _Why do you have it?" Gen asked, confused._

 _Jared coughed lightly and turned to face her. "I want to give it to Jensen tomorrow."_

 _Genevieve looked up into her husband's face, noting the serious expression. "Alright," she accepted easily. "Can I ask why?"_

 _Jared looked slightly uncomfortable, and he fidgeted a little. "I'm not totally sure," he confessed. "In the show, this necklace was sort of the symbol of how much Sam and Dean loved each other. When Dean tossed it aside, our relationship sort of went to hell." He cracked a small smile. "Literally. Anyway, it became a symbol for the fans of our quote, unquote 'undying love' for each other, and when Dean got the fake one to replace it, it kind of started to repair us, you know?" Jared paused and looked at the amulet again. Gen wondered if he'd noticed his slip into Sam. She didn't think so._

 _Jared contemplated the shining necklace seriously. "Sam gave this to Dean because he was always around to make it better and less scary. And Dean kept it as a reminder of how much his little brother loved him. And I just thought it might be nice to give it to Jensen to remind him that he may not be Dean anymore, but he's still got a little brother who thinks he's the coolest thing in the world and would do anything for him."_

 _Jared suddenly raised his eyes to his wife's, the doe brown wide and soft with apprehension. "But I'm scared to give it to him. What if he doesn't like it? What if he doesn't want it? What if he opens it on Christmas and doesn't understand why I gave it to him? What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if he throws it way again?" The amulet disappeared in his clenched fist. "I've been planning this since season five, honestly," he admitted quietly. "It's frightening now that it's here."_

 _Throughout the entire confession, Genevieve had remained silent. Now that she sensed the end of her husband's release, she moved to her dresser and pulled out a plain, black box. It was thin and square; it had previously been home to a beautiful ruby necklace and earring set from Jared on their first anniversary. She picked it up and, turning to her husband, removed from inside a handwritten note- the necklace now had residence in her jewelry box. Reading from the card, Gen addressed her husband._

 _"_ _For my beautiful Ruby-_

 _I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am to have you in my life._

 _You are a gift to me in every way and I only wish I could make you see yourself the way I do._

 _I'm also grateful every day to Supernatural for bringing us together. So although you were a pretty horrible monster, I got you these rubies to commemorate not only what brought me to the love of my life, but also as a little inside joke against Ruby:_

 _Proverbs 31:10_

 _I love you more than all the Rubys in the world!_

 _-Jared"_

 _Gen set the card down gently on her nightstand, then held out the box to Jared. "Here. Something so precious needs a good box." Pressing it into Jared's hand, Gen met his eyes seriously. "Write a note," she advised. "Tell him in words on paper, but have him open it in front of you. Jensen adores you just as much, Jared, and I'll bet he misses being your Dean as much as you miss being his Sam. He'll love it." Gen smiled and turned away. "Bows and tags are in the closet. Join me for a glass of wine when you're done."_

* * *

Back in the present, Jared nudged Jensen. "Come on. I have something for you, man," he said, nodding to the living room. Jensen gave him a curious look.

"It can't wait until Christmas? Not that I'm complaining, of course," the older man joked with a laugh. Jared gave a half-hearted laugh with him, too nervous to really let loose. He led the way to the tree, and pulled from the stack of gifts the plain box, now with a green ribbon crossing it's smooth surface.

Bracing himself, Jared turned to his friend holding out the present. "Here."

But Jensen didn't take it. "Are you okay, Jared? You seem tense." His face was open and lined with concern. "You can tell me anything, you know."

Jared nodded. "I know. I'm fine."

Jensen still looked skeptical. "You're nervous about something, man. But whatever. You don't want to tell me right now, that's fine. I'm patient." He reached out and took the box, giving the other man a sudden smirk. "God, I hope that all your stupid angst is just over this present and not over something you don't think you can tell me." Jensen paused in his removal of the bow and looked Jared in the eyes seriously. "Because that's never true, Jared. I meant what I said, you can tell me anything. The show might be over but it doesn't change anything, especially what we can or can't tell each other."

Jared smiled brightly at his best friend. "I know. I'm fine, Jensen. Honest. But thanks."

Jensen watched the tension leave the younger man's body, leaving him relaxed. Then he resumed unwrapping. "No problem."

The next few seconds were filled with comfortable silence as Jensen removed the ribbon and opened the box. Gently pushing aside the layer of green tissue paper, Jensen's own green eyes widened as he took in the simple gift lying in the paper. He raised wide and confused eyes to Jared. "What-"

"Just read it," Jared interrupted, gesturing to a card and flushing slightly. The tension was back, Jensen noted as he opened the card. Reading the words, he slowly sank down to sit on the couch-card in one hand, the opened box and necklace in the other.

 _Jensen-_

 _Where to even begin? Gen said I should write this down if I was too nervous to say it. She's generally smart and right, so I'm taking her advice._

 _Jensen, I love you. Not the same way I love Gen, or Thomas and Sheppard, obviously, but pretty damn close. You've been my best friend and, well,_ _brother_ _since day one back in '05 when you came up to me and said, "Hey, you're Jared, right? I'm Jensen. DAMN, you are tall."_

 _You talk a lot about how much I've helped you, when you've helped me just as much, maybe more. And I'm not just talking about offering your house for me, but for a lot of other little things, too._

 _I want you to know that I appreciate and admire you, and everything you do. And I especially want you to know that my appreciation and admiration haven't ended with the show. And so even though we don't have the show anymore, when I tried to think of what I could do for you to express all my love and gratitude, this ugly little charm is the only thing I could think of that was adequate._

 _So this my closing act as Sammy. I'm giving back the symbol of brotherhood faithfully retrieved from a motel trashcan, and most importantly saying thank you. Thank you for nursing my broken hearts and crushed spirits. Thanks for staying up all night with me to binge on Fast and Furious when I was sick. For being the Best Man at my wedding to Gen, for returning the favor with Danneel. For doting and spoiling my kids as a surrogate uncle and allowing me the same privilege with J.J. For the food and the home and the gifts and the acceptance and everything I ever wanted from anyone. Thank you._

 _And for my first scene as just Jared, this is for you, as reminder that the show may be over, but as far as you and me are concerned, you still have a little brother who worships the ground you walk on._

 _-Jared_

 _P.S. You don't have to wear it every day, if you don't want too. It was always a little excessive to me._

Jensen finished reading and blinked a few traitorous tears back from his eyes. Gently, he placed the soulful card back in the box and picked up the simple black cord to look at the ugly little charm with fond eyes.

Jared, clearly starting to get nervous about Jensen's continued silence, began rambling nervously. "You don't have to accept it if you don't want to have it. I mean, I'll totally understand if you don't want to wear it all the time or even at all. I mean, we're not Sam and Dean, really, and not really brothers, so it won't hurt my feelings if you want to give it back-" Jared reached out to take the old necklace back, but before he could move more than a finger, Jensen had pulled the cord over his head, feeling the weight settle onto his chest at his collarbone, and pulled Jared into a crushing hug, effectively cutting off whatever lies Jared had convinced himself were true.

"Shut up, Jared," he murmured thickly into Jared's hair. "I never want to hear you say- or even THINK- those things ever again, you hear me." Jensen held on to his brother tightly until he felt him relax into the hug and nod, a few overlooked tears escaping to wet Jensen's shirt. After another minute of hugging it out, Jensen pulled back a little to look Jared in the eyes. "Thanks, Jared," he said softly, green eyes glinting and serious. "I mean it, man. I love it."

Jared beamed happily, a look Jensen returned with a fond smile, allowing himself to be subjected to one final hug. "Alright, alright," he grumbled good-naturedly after another few seconds had gone by with no sign of release from the younger, taller man. "Enough is enough, man. I love you, too, but that's enough for me." Jared snickered a little wetly, but released the older man with a final, shy squeeze.

The pair stood to walk to the door, and as they stepped outside into the December air to separate into their respective families, Jensen said quietly, "Merry Christmas, bitch."

Jared smiled. "Ditto, jerk."

 **R &R! Thanks!**

 **A/N: Proverbs 31:10- Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.**


End file.
